What If My Kids Won’t Cooperate During Family Photos?

If there is one thing I hear from parents before a family photoshoot, it is, “I'm just worried my kids aren't going to cooperate.”

And honestly, I completely understand that fear because I've got two little girls of my own, so I know exactly what it's like to have a day planned out in your head only for your children to have completely different ideas!

Maybe your child is really shy and takes a while to warm up to new people. Maybe you've got a toddler who literally cannot sit still for more than three seconds, or perhaps you've got older children or teenagers who have made it very clear that having family photos is absolutely not how they would choose to spend their afternoon.

The good news is, I've photographed all of these personalities many, many times before and I don't expect your children to behave perfectly for me.

In fact, I don't really want them to.

I want to photograph your family as you actually are and that means I need to work with the personalities in front of me rather than trying to make every child fit into the same idea of what a family photoshoot should look like.

Every child needs a slightly different approach

One of the things I've learnt after more than 15 years of photographing families is that there really isn't a one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to children.

Some kids will walk in and immediately want to know who I am, what I'm doing and whether they can look at the camera. Others will hide behind Mum's legs and look at me like I've just arrived from another planet!

Some children are incredibly energetic and would happily spend the entire session running around the park, while others are much more sensitive and need a little bit of time before they're comfortable enough to let their personality come out.

My job is to notice those differences and adapt.

I'm naturally quite outgoing and I love having a bit of fun with kids. I'm usually chatting away, making silly comments, trying to get them laughing and encouraging them to interact with me. But I'm also very conscious of when a child is telling me, in their own little way, that they need me to back off for a minute.

And knowing when to do that can make all the difference.

Recently, I photographed a very shy one year old

I had a beautiful family session recently with two little girls, one who was one and another who was four.

The one-year-old was very sweet, but she was quite shy and a little unsure of me when we first started. I could tell pretty quickly that trying to make her laugh or getting right up close with my camera wasn't going to help her relax.

So rather than pushing it, I suggested that Mum and Dad take the girls for a little walk around the park.

I told them to just interact with her as they normally would, point things out, talk to her and let her explore. I started photographing from a little distance away so she could get used to me being there without feeling like all of the attention was suddenly on her.

What was lovely was that she started watching Mum and Dad.

She could see that they were relaxed. She could see them smiling at me and enjoying themselves, and slowly she started to realise that I wasn't someone she needed to be worried about.

Once she had that little bit of confidence, I was able to move closer and start interacting with her more.

That is something I really love about photographing children. You have to be able to read them. Sometimes they need you to be silly and energetic, and sometimes the best thing you can do is take a step back and let them come to you.

There is no point trying to force a shy child to warm up before they're ready, because usually that just makes them more uncomfortable.

Then there are the kids who absolutely DO NOT STOP MOVING!

And these children need a completely different approach!

If you've got a toddler who is constantly on the go, I'm certainly not going to expect them to stand still while I take 50 photos of them smiling at the camera.

Honestly, we'd all lose our minds!

Instead, I work with their energy. I keep things moving, I work quickly and I give them things to do so they don't have time to become bored or distracted.

We might go for a walk, have a little race, explore what's around us, play with Mum and Dad, have a piggyback ride, tickle Mum or simply run around together.

The trick is often not trying to stop them from moving, but moving with them.

This is one of the reasons I absolutely love outdoor family photography, particularly for families with toddlers and children who are confidently walking, usually from around 18 months or two years onwards.

Being outdoors gives children the freedom to move and explore, and it makes the whole session feel much more natural. Instead of asking them to stand in one spot and smile, we're able to create little moments that naturally bring out their personalities.

And because I'm working quickly and efficiently, I'm able to capture those moments before your toddler has decided they're off to investigate something completely unrelated!

This is why I love a candid outdoor family photography session

I don't want your family photos to feel like you've spent an hour being told where to stand and how to smile.

Of course, I'll guide you. There will absolutely be moments where I'll position everyone so we can get those beautiful family portraits, because I know you'll want some gorgeous photographs of everyone together.

But I also want plenty of movement and interaction.

Maybe the kids are walking along holding hands. Maybe Dad has one child on his shoulders while the other is trying to climb up his back. Maybe Mum gets ambushed with a tickle. Maybe the kids are bumping shoulders and laughing while they're walking.

Sometimes I'll ask you to do something that feels a little silly, because usually those are the moments where everyone forgets that there's a camera there.

And that's when I start getting the photographs I really love.

The ones where nobody is thinking about how they're supposed to pose. They're just interacting with each other.

What about older kids and teenagers?

This is another one I hear from parents quite often.

“My teenagers are going to hate this.”

And yes, they might!

I'm not going to promise you that your teenager is going to jump out of the car saying, “Yay, family photos!”

Let's be realistic.

There are definitely stages of parenting where getting everyone together for a family photo can feel like an Olympic event. They've got school, sport, friends, work, social commitments and, before you know it, they're learning to drive and spending more time out of the house than in it.

So when you finally manage to get everyone together, the last thing I want to do is make the experience feel stiff and awkward.

My approach with older kids and teenagers is still very much about keeping things moving and making it interactive. We might go for a walk, have a bit of fun with each other, do some piggyback photos, get Mum tickled, have the kids bumping shoulders or just chat and laugh along the way.

Sometimes they think what I'm asking them to do is a little bit cringe, and that's okay!

I'm a mum too. I know teenagers can be teenagers.

But usually, once everyone starts moving and interacting rather than standing there being told to smile, that awkwardness starts to disappear.

And I think this is particularly important for families with older children because these might be the last few years where you can easily get everyone together for an afternoon like this.

One day your kids will have their own licences, their own jobs, their own relationships and their own weekend plans. You might find yourself having to work around sporting commitments just to get everyone in the same place for dinner, let alone a family photoshoot.

So while they might think it's a little embarrassing right now, I know how much those photographs are going to mean to you later.

You don't need to have perfectly behaved children

I think this is probably the biggest thing I want parents to know before they book a family photoshoot.

Please don't spend the week beforehand telling your kids that they have to behave for the photos.

You don't need to threaten them with losing screen time if they don't smile. You don't need to bribe them into standing still, and you definitely don't need to apologise to me before we've even started because your child is “a handful”.

I genuinely don't mind.

Your kids are allowed to be kids.

If they're shy, we'll give them time.

If they're energetic, we'll keep moving.

If they're silly, we'll use that.

If they're sensitive, we'll slow things down.

If they're teenagers who would rather be somewhere else, I'll do my best to make it fun enough that they forget they're supposed to be miserable!

That's what I mean when I say that I adapt my sessions to each family.

I'm not coming in with a checklist of poses that every family needs to complete. I'm looking at your children, seeing what makes them comfortable and working out how I can bring everyone together in a way that feels natural.

And Mum, I know why you're probably worried about this

Because you're probably the one who has organised the whole thing.

You've found the photographer, you've coordinated everyone's schedules, you've sorted the outfits, you've probably reminded everyone approximately 47 times what time you need to leave the house, and you're already imagining the possibility that one child will refuse to smile and the other will have a meltdown.

I get it.

But please don't put all that pressure on yourself.

Your family doesn't need to be perfectly behaved for me to create beautiful photographs of you.

In fact, some of the photographs that you'll love the most may be the ones where things didn't go exactly according to plan.

The little cuddle that happened because someone needed Mum.

The giggle that happened because Dad said something silly.

The toddler running away while everyone else is laughing.

Your teenager finally cracking a genuine smile because their little sibling did something ridiculous.

Those are the moments that tell the story of your family.

And those are the moments I want you to remember.

Why outdoor family photography works so beautifully for busy families

For families with children who are confidently walking, I honestly think an outdoor session is one of the best ways to capture this stage of family life.

It gives everyone a little bit of freedom, which is particularly helpful when you have toddlers or energetic young children.

There's no expectation that everyone needs to sit still. We can walk, explore, play and interact, and I can photograph all those little moments as they happen.

It also means the session doesn't feel like something completely separate from your normal family life. It can feel more like you're simply spending some time together, with me there to capture it.

And that is probably my favourite kind of family photography.

Natural, relaxed, a little bit chaotic and full of personality.

Because when you look back at these photographs in 10 or 20 years, I don't want you to remember that everyone stood perfectly still and smiled at the camera.

I want you to remember what your family felt like at this stage of your life.

So if you've been putting off family photos because you're worried your kids won't cooperate, please don't let that stop you.

Bring me the shy one.

Bring me the crazy one.

Bring me the teenager who has already told you they're not smiling.

Bring me the whole beautiful, imperfect, busy, loud and sometimes completely chaotic family.

I'll meet them where they're at, and we'll take it from there.

Because you don't need perfect children for beautiful family photos.

You just need to show up as you are. I'll take care of the rest. 

If youve been thinking about having updated family photos taken in Melbourne, then reach out to me below and we can discuss your vision and any questions you may have.

Speak soon!

Stace x